You might be an engineer if:
1)You have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
2)You enjoy pain.
3)You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
4)You chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force".
5)You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
6)It is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
7)You frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver".
8)You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
9)You think in "math".
10)You've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
11)You hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
12)You have a pet named after a scientist.
13)You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
14)The Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.
15)You can translate English into Binary.
16)You can't remember what's behind the door in the engineering building which says "Exit".
17)You have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.
18)You are completely addicted to caffeine.
19)You avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
20)You consider ANY non-engineering course "easy".
21)When your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
22)The "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
23)You'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
24)The blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to fix it.
25)You bring a computer manual / technical journal as vacation reading.
26)The salesperson at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.
27)You can't help eavesdropping in computer stores... and correcting the salesperson.
28)You're in line for the guillotine... it stops working properly... and you offer to fix it.
29)You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards to see how they do the special effects.
30)You have any "Dilbert" comics displayed in your work area.
31)You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.
32)You have never backed up your hard drive.
33)You haven't bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.
34)You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring.
35)You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.
36)You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon
37)You've even calculated how much you make per second.
38)Your favorite James Bond character is "Q," the guy who makes the gadgets.
39)You understood more than five of these jokes.
40)You make a copy of this list, and post it on your door (or your home page !)
http://www.gdargaud.net/Humor/Engineer.html#YMB | The Top 10 Things Engineering School didn't teach:
10. There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
9. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
8. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
7. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
6. Always try to fix the hardware with software.
5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
4. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
3. Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
2. If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
1. Dilbert is a documentary.
http://www3.baylor.edu/asme/jokes.htm
Top 14 reasons to date an engineer:
14. We are trained to do it right the first time
13. We are used to all nighters
12. We are always willing to experiment
11. We know how to decrease and increase friction
10. We know all about heat transfer
9. We do it with more torque
8. We can wire your circuits
7. Free body diagrams
6. Potential for smart children
5. Engineering couples have better moments
4. We know how to deal with stress and strain
3. We know it's not the length of the vector that counts, but how you apply the force
2. "Lubrication, Friction and Wear" is actually a class
1. The world DOES revolve around us....we pick the coordinate system Engineering Jokes:
-
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
-
During the French Revolution a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined.
The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens -- he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention -- so he's let go.
The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free too.
They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem...."
-
It all makes sense now...
Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives, sales people, accountants and especially liberal arts majors." This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two well known postulates:
* Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
* Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time.
Since: Knowledge = Power,
then Knowledge = Work / Time,
and Time = Money,
then Knowledge = Work / Money.
Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
-
A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were each given the following problem to solve. A school dance floor included a straight line down the middle dividing the floor in two equal halves. Boys were lined up against one wall and girls against the opposite wall, each facing the centre line. They were instructed to advance in timed stages towards the line every ten seconds, where the distance from the person to the centre line at each stage is equal to one-half the distance at the past stage.
The question is, when will they meet at the middle?
The mathematician said that they would never meet. The physicist said they would meet when time equaled infinity. The engineer said that in two minutes they would be close enough for all practical purposes.
-
Why did the induction motor go on holiday? It needed to unwind.
Why did the transformer take the promotion? It was a step up.
-
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said: "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want". Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked: "What is the matter ? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me ?"
The man said, "Look I'm a software engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
|
